This is before the Internet...at least before it was available to the masses, so as an introverted geek I didn't have many places to turn. I had a huge love of science, astronomy, physics, and most of all computer programming. I had lots of time to think about the world but mostly all I thought about was how sad I was.
Thinking back it it now I see that I would have been vulnerable to something like Scientology had I met someone who offered a reading. I subscribed to a magazine called New Age Journal. I had lots of ideas on my place in the universe. But mostly, I was lonely.
I happened to take a college course on philosophy and religion. This provided me with tons of options to try out.
- One week I was praying to the east, but the origins of Islam made me doubt its authenticity.
- The next I was studying Buddha. I still like much of what Buddhism has to offer, minus all the mystic mumbo-jumbo.
- I never got past the shear number of Gods that Hinduism offered. There seems to be no shortage of miracles that happen in India...statues of Gods that cry tears of milk and such. (Now, if there was a Hindu comedian who could make milk come out my nose when I wasn't drinking any then I might reconsider!)
None of these offered me the feeling I was searching for. I stuck with reading about how quantum physics would somehow offer us all of the answers and how the vibrations of crystals could help to heal us. But the next semester I took a music class and without even trying I found myself sucked back into Christianity.
We were assigned music reviews. We had to complete 3 concert reviews by the end of the semester. Being a poor college student I attended whatever was free. There happened to be a Christian rock concert playing on the campus so I went just to be review it. But I left there saved. The right words at the right time in my life made me close my eyes, bow my head, and raise my hand and accept Jesus as my savior.
It was an easy thing to do. One doesn't contemplate it, one just does it. I compare it now to an impulse buy at the supermarket. You go in for bread and milk and come out with bread, milk, and a magazine you just had to have! But when you've gone a year searching for answers without finding any, being saved feels good. It felt right.
I remember being led into another room where they took down my information. I was offered answers, I was offered the way to salvation, and I received prayer and a pamphlet on where I could go to church. I went with a group of kids from the campus that night to a restaurant. I felt like I was finally a part of something. I felt elated. It felt like I was high. The feeling one gets from being born again is very similar to the feeling you get when you smoke pot.
But I awoke the next morning with butterflies. Where had that feeling gone? I wanted it back. I guess I needed to go to church...