Saturday, May 24, 2008

The search begins!

It's 1989, I'm 18, I'm living in a small north Florida town and there's not much to do and not many people to talk to.

This is before the least before it was available to the masses, so as an introverted geek I didn't have many places to turn. I had a huge love of science, astronomy, physics, and most of all computer programming. I had lots of time to think about the world but mostly all I thought about was how sad I was.

Thinking back it it now I see that I would have been vulnerable to something like Scientology had I met someone who offered a reading. I subscribed to a magazine called New Age Journal. I had lots of ideas on my place in the universe. But mostly, I was lonely.

I happened to take a college course on philosophy and religion. This provided me with tons of options to try out.

  • One week I was praying to the east, but the origins of Islam made me doubt its authenticity.
  • The next I was studying Buddha. I still like much of what Buddhism has to offer, minus all the mystic mumbo-jumbo.
  • I never got past the shear number of Gods that Hinduism offered. There seems to be no shortage of miracles that happen in India...statues of Gods that cry tears of milk and such. (Now, if there was a Hindu comedian who could make milk come out my nose when I wasn't drinking any then I might reconsider!)

None of these offered me the feeling I was searching for. I stuck with reading about how quantum physics would somehow offer us all of the answers and how the vibrations of crystals could help to heal us. But the next semester I took a music class and without even trying I found myself sucked back into Christianity.

We were assigned music reviews. We had to complete 3 concert reviews by the end of the semester. Being a poor college student I attended whatever was free. There happened to be a Christian rock concert playing on the campus so I went just to be review it. But I left there saved. The right words at the right time in my life made me close my eyes, bow my head, and raise my hand and accept Jesus as my savior.

It was an easy thing to do. One doesn't contemplate it, one just does it. I compare it now to an impulse buy at the supermarket. You go in for bread and milk and come out with bread, milk, and a magazine you just had to have! But when you've gone a year searching for answers without finding any, being saved feels good. It felt right.

I remember being led into another room where they took down my information. I was offered answers, I was offered the way to salvation, and I received prayer and a pamphlet on where I could go to church. I went with a group of kids from the campus that night to a restaurant. I felt like I was finally a part of something. I felt elated. It felt like I was high. The feeling one gets from being born again is very similar to the feeling you get when you smoke pot.

But I awoke the next morning with butterflies. Where had that feeling gone? I wanted it back. I guess I needed to go to church...


pursuitofmeaning said...

I almost wish the story would end there - but I guess it did not. Being saved is a good place to be. If only life would end after that but sometimes we have to stick around to have an effect on others. My recommendation would be to let your child decide for himself and give him as much access to church and God as possible. Otherwise you might stop doubting later in life and then regret anything you did to deter him.

Anonymous said...

Definitely let your child read the bible in its entirety. Reading the entire bible is the best cure for Christianity. The amount of evil in that book is astounding. It made a "heretic" out of me when I was a child; even before I could use reason to reject that book, my heart and soul have already rejected it. And once I found myself on that path, there was no going back. Useful link:

fun-D h8r said...

It is truly mind blowing how little regard fundamentalist christians have for human life, as well as life in general. They claim to be pro-life, but don't let that fool you. To them, it's ok to kill, even your own child. It's ok to let your diabetic child die, even if saving her life is as easy as giving her an insulin shot. It's a great virtue to be ready to slaughter your child on god's whim, as shown in the story of Abraham. The only goal is to get "saved", and then your life should end right there and then. But hey, sometimes god decides that you "stick around" some more, so you can CONVERT more people
(or line your preachers pockets a little bit more). Other than that, your life is worthless, just like lives of your children are worthless. You might as well *end* their lives after they get saved, right? There is one thing I have no doubts about: fundamentalists are evil and disgusting. Fundamentalist religion is the biggest threat to our children and the future of our planet.