Finally, a God I could worship!

Peanut Butter Salvation

Folio Weekly, a Northeast Florida news and opinion magazine, has an excellent article on the downright pure nuttiness (ha!) that has infected some of the local megachurches.

Peanut Butter Salvation: Why a Southside megachurch thinks that goldfish swallowing and toe-licking will lead the next generation to God.
(link is to a PDF)

Some interesting quotes from the article:

Creaming the underarms of one of his youth leaders with
peanut butter was only one of Pastor Turner’s “challenges” at
the Deerfield Boulevard campus on Sept. 9. He
also liquefied a Happy Meal in a blender and challenged
four volunteers to chug it. And he tossed
raw pigs’ knuckles and chicken feet into a vat of
milk and selected two female volunteers to take
turns bobbing in it until one, then the other, surfaced
with a chicken foot in her teeth.

I guess it shouldn't shock me. I grew up hearing about people handling snakes. What's a raw pigs foot got that a snake doesn't? Er...maybe some parasites I guess.

This is how they are attracting teens to church. By staging "Fear Factor" like shows. What teen wouldn't want to see that? But where does this segue into Jesus? What lesson is being taught?

At least one parent wasn't impressed:

“It’s inappropriate anywhere, but that it’s
happening in a church is just horrible,” she
says. “What would you think if that was happening
in a home?”
The mother suggests that the act between
a minor and an adult in a private home
would seem not only inappropriate, but perverse
— and possibly illegal. But she says Pastor
Wyatt, 37, and other church leaders didn’t
concede there was anything wrong with what
they’d done. The woman decided not to allow
her son to attend the church again.

Yay! He was saved! (from that church).

In my opinion, this is what happens when inexperienced, uneducated people are put in charge of the lives of teens without any proper thought or supervision. Unfortunately, the story is worse when they are left with the supposedly experienced and educated...

Local Church Turns to Rationality for Swine Flu Prevention

I thought this was a pleasant surprise given the flu quackery from like likes of Fluff-Po:

Church Preaches Flu Prevention
Talking To Congregation About Staying Healthy

POSTED: Sunday, September 27, 2009

BRUNSWICK, Ga -- The congregation at First Jordan Grove Baptist Church studied more than just the Bible on Sunday. They also heard advice on how to stay healthy during flu season.

Pastor Ken Adkins said some members of his congregation have contracted the H1N1 virus and he wanted to make sure church members -- especially children and the elderly -- know how to protect themselves from getting sick.

“There is a lot of hugging, kissing, and handshaking going on in churches before, during and after church and Ibelieve people must begin to be more careful when it comes to this illness," Adkins said. "A church should be a place of empowerment."

A nurse was on hand for Swine Flu Sunday to give advice like washing your hands often and covering your nose and mouth when you sneeze.

Church members were also given bottles of hand sanitizer during the service.

My Boy Makes Me Proud

My son is now 10 years old and just started 5th grade. Aside from driving me crazy like any child should, he sometimes provokes good intellectual discussions that make me smile because it seems like at least somewhere along the line I did something right as a parent.

The other morning we were on the way to school and somehow got on the subject of the different types of gods people worship. I'm not sure how the conversation started but we talked about how when people didn't understand how things worked they attributed them to a god. So there were many gods: water, sky, thunder, moon, sun, etc.

I said something like "People wondered what that great warm ball of light was that rose every morning in the east. They thought it was a god and perhaps that worshiped it for fear that it wouldn't come up the next morning."

And my son responded: "You would think they would test that out and not worship it one day just to see."

Ah, logic. He makes me proud.

The conversation continued. He said that once people were able to go into outer space they knew God wasn't in the sky. I told him that some cultures believe God is everywhere and in everything, they are pantheists. He liked that idea, he thought it made more sense than trying to put God into one thing or another. We also talked about how the Christian god started out as something of a mountain god or sky god and evolved into an all knowing, all seeing, omnipotent type of god. At this point he got bored (he is 10 after all) and we changed subjects to something about school and homework and how his teacher is mean... :-)

Proof there is no God #32176456289

from CNN:

Girl grew up locked away in backyard shed

She was kidnapped at age 11.
She was put in a 10x10 box.
She was raped.
She had 2 children.
She lived like this for 18 years.

I challenge any of you out there to show me where the Bible or Koran or whatever explains this. What did an 11 year old girl do to deserve this?

Governor Crist Appeals To God To Stop Florida Hurricanes

I saw this in my rss feed this morning and just laughed:

God Protecting Florida From Hurricanes?

Gov. Crist Says He's Put Prayer Requests In Jerusalem's Western Wall

POSTED: Friday, August 21, 2009

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Could it be divine intervention that's kept Florida safe from hurricanes since Gov. Charlie Crist took office?
Crist said he's not taking credit, but did tell a group of real estate agents Friday that he's had prayer notes put in the Western Wall in Jerusalem each year and no major storms have hit Florida.
Crist said each of the notes read, "Dear God, please protect our Florida from storms and other difficulties. Charlie."
The first time he personally put the note in during a 2007 trade mission to Israel. Last year, he gave the note to Sen. Nan Rich to be placed in the wall. This year he gave a note to a friend.
He told the group, "Knock on wood. I would ask you all to say a prayer."

I thought something was up when Florida elected the son of God as governor. Yes, his name is missing the 'h' but his is from the Greek version. (If they can do this kind of critical linguistic analysis on Obama's name then I can do it on Crist's!)

And he's being so humble about it by not taking credit. He's more like the Mark Christ than the John Christ I guess. (I knew something was up with John's book when he changed the day Jesus was killed.)

Yes, Florida is being governed by the son of God and is protecting the state from hurricanes. We must be in the end of times and Florida is "base".

How I Told My Mom I Don't Believe

Tonight I told my mom I don't believe in God.

She still loves me. There was no yelling. It went much better than I feared.

It all started Sunday during lunch. We went to Panera and had a really good conversation about Obama, health care, and the silly birthers. Even though she's evangelical and voted for McCain she supports what Obama is doing and doesn't like how he is being demonized.

She asked me if I wanted to see a concert at her church but it was happening at the same time I planned to call my wife, who is away visiting family. This got us on the subject of church and I thought I would be sly and see how much she really paid attention to the bible. As we were leaving I told her for her bible study today she should see what day each of the gospels says Jesus died on.

Well, after a few emails back and forth she came to the conclusion that while she didn't understand why John puts Jesus' death on the day before Passover, since the other 3 agree that it was on Passover then that's when he died. She called me to joke that at least this got me to read the bible and that's when our conversation started down a path that I wouldn't have guessed.

As I've mentioned before I didn't want my mom to know my lack of belief because I didn't want her to be sad or upset thinking I was going to hell. And while I never portray myself as a believer to her I never try to rock the boat much when we discuss religion. But she's always talking about the church. Her life revolves around the church. She's always suggesting I go to church with her. I used to go with her sometimes, like on Easter, but not anymore. So this conversation was just like any other but now she was telling me I really should read the bible again. I told her jokingly that if I read the bible then she has to read about evolution. I've never been shy about discussing science around her and she's adamant that evolution is not true and the bible is true.

Oh, no, she was not going to read about evolution. She said it sounded like I was being brainwashed by the scientists, to which I thought "you think I'm the one who's brainwashed." But instead I tried to explain some of the simple misconceptions about it and suggested that if she were willing we could sit down and I could go over it more with her. It was at this point that she felt compelled to tell me (I'm paraphrasing) "I know you don't want to hear this, but if I die right now God will hold me accountable because I'm supposed to spread his word. I know you were saved when you were younger but you really need to think about reading the bible and going up to the alter and offering your heart to Jesus. Why won't you do that? What would you do if you died right now and you were brought before God, what would you say to him? When he asks you why he should let you into Heaven what would you say to him?"

I said, "The sarcastic person in me would ask him why I would want to go to his Heaven." Ooh. Maybe I shouldn't have said that but she's backing me into a corner.

She said "What? You would rather go to Hell?"

I told her I didn't believe in hell. I guess I thought that was an easy one not to believe in. She told me hell was certainly real. I said, "Imagine sticking your hand in boiling water, just for a second. Now imagine that agony stretched over minutes and hours and years, trillions of years. Eternity? You're telling me that people who will suffer an eternity like that?"

She said, "If they don't believe Jesus died for their sins, yes."

I said, "It seems a bit harsh doesn't it? And if Jesus died for our sins and we were punished for our sins then why are we still being punished? Why is there so much suffering in the world?"

"You can't think about that, you have to read the bible and open you heart to Him."

At this point I felt like I was backed into a corner. I said "Mom, I just have a hard time dealing with the idea that God is up there while people suffer down here and he's not willing to do anything about it."

(I've been listening to Bart Ehrman's "God's Problem" and after hearing part of a transcript from the Nuremberg trials I was sickened by the thought of someone throwing a live child into an oven. All the killing of the holocaust is bad enough but I had never heard they had done this sort of thing. One of the witnesses said you could hear the children screaming across the camp.)

I said "Mom, where was God when those innocent children were being burned alive by the Nazis? What did those children ever do wrong, how did they sin?"

At this point I was sobbing. I get very emotional when I hear about children being hurt and it all just poured out of me. A said through my sobs "I'm sorry, I just can't believe in a God that would let that happen. I never wanted to have this conversation with you. I never wanted to upset you. I never wanted you to worry that I was going to Hell but I just can't bring myself to believe in a God that would let something like that happen. I'm sorry but I just don't believe in God."

She said, "I understand. I figured you didn't. Maybe someday you will believe again."

I said, "At this point I don't see how. You want me to go to an alter and accept Jesus into my heart, but if there really is a Jesus and I did that he would see I wasn't sincere and I was only doing it to make other people think something about me. I can't be dishonest like that. Unless God reveals himself to me in person I just don't see how I can believe in him again. I've tried to believe. This has been a long process. It may have been a spur of the moment decision when I was 19 to be saved but it has taken me many years to get to this point. The more I open my eyes and look at the world the less I believe in God."

There was some more back and forth that I don't quite remember. I felt compelled to assure her that just because I was an atheist it didn't mean I was a devil worshiper or something like that. I explained that if anything I was a humanist and I just wanted people to treat each other nicely. I ended the phone call saying I loved her and if she were in the room I would hug her. She said she loved me too.

She called back later and said that she had been praying about this and God revealed this scripture to her:

Acts 16:31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

She said "So because I believe, you and your brother will be saved also." It's a good thing you can justify just about anything with the bible, she's already put up the defense against thinking I will burn in hell.

As I was telling my wife what had happened it occurred to me that she had said she already thought I didn't believe. It all made sense. She was always trying to get me to go to church or to read the bible. She was always trying to teach me something from the bible and thought that I was "brainwashed by the scientists." All of my worries all along were for nothing, she had already suspected. And my brother, too. I don't talk about religion with him but he's more outspoken than I am, especially regarding social issues, so I'm sure she thinks he doesn't believe, either. (I honestly don't know what he believes.)

As I'm typing this I feel a weight lifting off my shoulders. It felt bad not being able to speak my mind. I told my mom during our talk "I don't want my doubt to influence you. That's why I've kept my mouth shut when we talk about religion. I see how happy the church makes you and I don't want to be the one to take that away from you."

But I also see how fearful the church makes her. I wish I could take that fear away. I explained to her how much at peace I had become just accepting that the world is chaotic. I wish I could show her that it is OK to doubt. But I won't force my lack of belief on her. Nor will I back down now in an argument. If she pushes me on an issue I will push back...but nicely... ;-)